I’ve been a bit busy lately. Instead of blogging, I’ve been spending a fair amount of time pricing out bounce house rentals for our son’s first birthday. I know. I KNOW.
My son can’t walk. He can’t even crawl properly. He looks more like a dog scratching its butt on carpet than a graceful cherub inching his way through a perfectly-choreographed Pampers commercial. Why in the world am I renting a bounce house? Because this first birthday isn’t just about my son, of course.
Now seems like as good of a time as any to tell you a little bit about my wedding. Not just the fact that I spent a grand hanging fabric from the ceiling of our venue or that I paid a $4 per person upcharge to get the linens I wanted (ain’t nobody got time to lint roll their pants after using white napkins). But the real money truth: we paid a boatload of money to make sure that our guests were wined, dined, and entertained to their hearts’ content. Top-shelf liquor at an open bar. Your choice of vegan, vegetarian, chicken, steak, sea bass, or an entree tailored to accommodate a specific food allergy. Song requests. Late night snacks. A venue with a private patio so guests could escape the commotion. Passed hors-d’oeuvres and a stationary fruit and cheese tray because there is nothing worse than feeling like the featured creature on a Shark Week show as you try to hunt down a white-gloved waiter (oh, that’s just me?). The list goes on.
I regret none of it. And not just because it didn’t push us too far past the minimum spend we had to fulfill in order to have the venue.
Some might interpret my shortage of regret as a lack of personal growth in the five years since we said our vows, but I would actually hold it up as one of my greatest character traits. For me, celebrations have been less about Pinterest-worthy pictures and more about using each event as an opportunity to love on our guests.
Related Post: I Spent $700 on a Pair of Shoes and I’d Do it Again
Don’t get me wrong. It’s still possible to get carried away. In fact, carried away is practically my maternal family name. Someone is having a baby? Better rent a hall. Someone is having a bridal shower? Better rent a hall. Someone is having a first birthday, a third birthday, a ninetieth birthday? You guessed it. Rent a hall. Then, once you rent a hall, invite everyone you know.
Right now, your mind is probably trying to reconcile this post with the concept of stealth wealth. You’re struggling, right? I would argue that the cognitive dissonance comes not from the amount of money I’m spending, but the fact that the wrong criteria are being applied. Not everything that is purchased should be evaluated solely in terms of dollars and cents. Renting out a big hall isn’t about showing off an ice sculpture or a dessert table; it’s about buying time and space to gather together as many friends and family in one place as possible.
Before you think I’ve lost my frugal mind, let me stop you. There will be no hall rental. We bucked that tradition at his baptism and plan to do the same this summer. But I am not out-frugaling the Frugalwoods or any other money blogger when it comes to this first birthday.
We’ll have snacks and then we’ll have a meal, likely involving a combination of grilling and catering. We will also serve refreshments, including alcohol. And no party is complete without cake. Italians show their love with saturated fat. I promise it’s not a stereotype so much as a Truth with a capital T that has been coded into my DNA.
All of these things can be done affordably. I will shop at Aldi, use coupons, consult Ibotta for rebates, buy Dollar Tree decor, and skip aspects of the party that don’t mean much to anyone other than the fine folks at Pinterest. We might even churn a credit card or two to scoop up cash back deals or points.
Despite these tactics, I know this party will come with a hefty price tag. The real expense is the fact that our guest list is long. Instead of agonizing over this cost, I’m savoring it. Over the course of the past year, there have been more ups and downs keeping this baby happy and healthy than I ever would have guessed. I had heard the well-worn cliche an eye-roll-including amount of times before becoming a mom, and now I can say with absolute certainty that the greatest truth in the world when it comes to child-rearing is this:
It takes a village.
This party is a chance to thank my village. One party could never make up for all of the love. It will be impossible to repay everyone who dropped by with meals and advice, gifted baby gear and clothes, some new and tons used. People offered help when I didn’t know I needed it and answered questions that I was embarrassed to think, let alone ask my doctor. Family and friends rushed over to share in our joy and stood back when we were too overwhelmed to shower, let alone have anyone drop by.
So yes, we’ll have a long guest list. We’ll have a bounce house, too. More than a dozen families with young kids will be invited to this party. Could I find a way to entertain them for less? Sure. But after spending an entire school year maintaining order herding cats during unsupervised periods of time with young people, I can say with absolute certainty that my husband and I both consider this money well spent.
Related Post: Frugally Stupid: Graduation Celebration
Am I going to win any prizes in the personal finance world when it comes to this party? Probably not. Unless, of course, there’s an award for the money blogger who spent the most on a birthday party. But it doesn’t bother me a bit. When it comes to planning this party, I am going to do what I have always done when it comes to planning celebrations. I am prioritizing our spending based on what matters most to us. In this case, it’s thanking our guests.
So Tell Me…Care to share any first birthday stories? What’s your strategy for event planning?
“This party is a chance to thank our village” – yes! Even if you just wanted to have a swanky party to show off the awesomeness that is HP, I would still be happy for you. But, the fact that you want to do it to thank your tribe is even more awesome. I don’t have children so I cannot possibly imagine how hard it is to raise one. Anyone who helps in that gargantuan effort deserves a little bit of that Italian birthday cake! Don’t forget to celebrate yourself though, Penny – you did birth a human being after all.
Oh, I will absolutely be giving myself a hearty pat on the back. We are really lucky to have such a strong and big support network. I don’t know how many people will swing by the open house, but I’m happy to invite as many people as I can. His only great-grandparent has been battling cancer, and she’s flying in to see him (and many of her other relatives who will attend). I tear up every time I think about it. I will gladly spend the money to host all the people who want to see HP…and her!
Over order on the food, and don’t scrimp on the cake. Also, if the crowd is big enough hire, or task, a photographer to wander and take a bunch of pictures. Don’t try to do it yourself, you guys will be busy celebrating. My daughter does not, of course, remember her first birthday, but we trot out the pictures even 14 years later to relive what was a great event. We’d not let her have sugar until that day. Needless to say, frosting was a big hit.
That is always my plan. If nothing else, food makes good leftovers to either send home with people or to get out of cooking the next day(s)! I have two aunts that volunteer to be event photographers. They do candids for showers and parties and everything in between. I can’t wait to see his face when he tries frosting!
We love throwing backyard parties! We went all out for our kids adoption party! Two more of my favorite kid games are pinatas (I don’t think we’ve ever done a party without one.) And a game where you break open a bale of hay onto a pile and sprinkle a roll of quarters, dimes and nickels into it plus a few dollar coins. Then the kids get to dig around and find the money (youngest first!) Maybe it’s my love of finding free money or a Montana thing, but I loved that game SO much as a kid and now so do my kids. 🙂
Jillian, I would like to be invited to your next party AND play all the kids games. Sadly, we have no trees in our backyard (just lining the property line). But maybe I’m not ready to give up on this pinata idea just yet. Hmmm. Surely, we can figure something out. We also back up to a horse farm. If they don’t have bales of hay, who does?!
Oh, and we just ended up buying a bouncy house a few years ago! It’s awesome. We bust it out every time we have friends over. My kids are 2-10 and they all like it. I bought it on Amazon for $250? Totally worth it for years of use. =)
They SELL bouncy houses on Amazon?!?!
I may or may not have just looked one up and sent a screenshot to my husband. That purchase may be in our future… ?
Happy birthday to your son, and congrats to you and your hubby for making it through the first year with what sounds like an expanding village of love and with smiles on your faces.
Thank you, Julie! I hope you are well. It is always such a delight to hear your voice (see your words?).
Awww… yeah, I am a fan of spending money WHERE IT COUNTS. It’s not about doing everything as cheaply as possible. It’s about cutting costs in areas that don’t reflect our values so we can let loose on the things we care about. I go nuts cutting costs on gas and groceries, and all my clothes come from Target clearance… but we’re spending a month in Ireland this summer, and I’ma do every damn side trip we want without looking at the pricetag once 🙂
Also, happy birthday to your little dude. They’re the best.
I agree completely with Kate@OnOurWayWorld. Have a great party!
I have to think spending freely and joyfully on a celebration of family and friends is probably one of the BEST feelings in the world. Plus bounce houses are amazing for kids AND adults. So happy birthday to HP and congrats to you and your village for making it through the first year 🙂
Having a wonderful party to thank your tribe is a beautiful thing to do. Enjoy it and happy birthday to your little boy!
I love the way you’re approaching this! I have to admit, before I had kids, I judged large first birthday parties. I didn’t get that it is really about exactly what you’re describing: a celebration of the village!
Frugality is about being responsible with money so you can spend on what is really important to you and it sounds like that’s exactly what you’re doing. Have a wonderful time!
Mr. Wow and I were just having a conversation about how sometimes people in the FIRE-sphere need to live a little and not be so wrapped up about money. If you want a bouncy house, then by alls means have a bouncy house. No judgment from us!
So many major life events would be lovelier if more folks thought like you, Penny.
For a second I thought you were going to announce that you had a bounce house at your wedding. That would be cool. : )
Your tendency to want to “love on your guests” is a gift, and one that not everyone has. We have friends that are very much the same way. Every year, they host a massive pig roast for about 50 of their closest friends, and some family as well.
People bring food and beverages, but our friends definitely bear the brunt of the expense and the time spent organizing , and they absolutely love it.
They’re kind of like the “glue” amongst their network of friends, and are incredible at bringing people together. Sounds as though you’re the same way.
Happy Birthday HP!
Thank you. I just had my husband read this and it helped him understand why I do things like this. He has always appeased me and let me throw parties for our family and friends, even if he did complain a little along the way but you explained the why so well. We love these people and these people love us and have helped us and continue to help us thrive in life. We had our daughter’s 1st birthday party in April and had over 60 people there! We rented out the pool/park in our community and it was awesome. Sure, our daughter won’t remember but we will and so will our loved ones. Love and share your mindset!
That sounds so wonderful! What a lovely celebration. Great minds think alike 😉