We’re all pretty familiar with buyer’s remorse. In fact, most of us learn the concept the hard way. Maybe the truth didn’t even sink in until after the return period ended. The horror. But what about saver’s remorse?
Is it even a thing?
Not only would I contend that saver’s remorse is absolutely real, it can be just as problematic as buyer’s remorse.
How can I be so sure?
Well, it’s one lesson that I keep learning the hard way.
What is Saver’s Remorse?
In so many ways, saver’s remorse is the opposite side of the same coin as buyer’s remorse. Rather that being consumed with regret over what you did buy–you regret what you didn’t buy.
And I’m not necessarily talking about missing out on sales or promotions.
It’s very common (and very smart!) financial advice to not let marketing dictate your wants and needs. Sales cycles are deliberate. Prices are often marked up to be marked down. So if you wait 24 or 72 hours to buy, the sale might have ended.
That’s not what saver’s remorse is. Not really.
I’m not talking about having to buy toilet paper or bed linens at a higher price. I’m talking about missed opportunities in the name of savings.
Not only does this involve your finances, it also involves time. Money? That comes and goes. Time? It only marches on.
When Your What Overtakes Your Why
Think about the most popular money articles and social media posts that get passed around online. What generates the most traffic? Numbers!
X net worth, Y savings rate, Z salary.
Whether you’re following someone else’s financial journey or reflecting on your own, it’s easy to focus on The What. Numbers are concrete. They’re measurable. And they fit beautifully into every money nerd’s favorite tool: the spreadsheet.
Because you can’t quantify The Why, it makes sense that we spend so much time tracking The What. But it’s so easy to lose sight of The Why as a result.
My Experience with Saver’s Remorse
Sadly, I am no stranger to saver’s remorse. Years ago, I wrote a post in an airport on a layover lamenting the part of our vacation we did not take. Sure, there were valid reasons why we didn’t bother to cross the border from Costa Rica to Nicaragua. But mostly, I was just being cheap.
So there I sat, seeping in saver’s remorse and typing away.
You’d think I would have learned my lesson. But you’d be wrong.
Last summer, when we really started to get serious about Baby #2, we knew that it would mean tightening our budget and adjusting our expenses. After all, I will earn $0.00 on my leave (kids are expensive!). And my salary will be prorated for not just that calendar year, but the full school year upon my return (kids are really expensive!).
So we set out on a mission to save more to make having this baby as stress free as possible. At least in terms of finances.
Why, then, was I refusing to buy a pillow to try to get some relief for my back when I slept? Why was I so determined to stuff myself into my skinny jeans when I could very easily make the 10 minute drive to Target to buy a maternity pair? And why was I freezing my bump off in an unzipped coat in subzero weather?
In the name of saving, I was making myself absolutely miserable. Not just temporarily either. Weeks turned into months before it dawned on me that this is just like our Costa Rican vacation.
Well, it’s similar to the air sickness I get when flying.
I got so focused on trying to hit a particular savings number that I forgot the purpose of my savings: I want to lessen my stress, not compound it.
The What caused me to lose sight of The Why.
Fighting Saver’s Remorse
Do I know the secret to fighting saver’s remorse? Not really.
At least, I don’t have a single serving antidote for it.
But I am pretty convinced that training ourselves to talk more about The Why will help. After all, money is a tool. And we don’t talk about other tools obsessively. Do people talk about construction tools or the DIY project itself? Are cooking shows focused on the brand of mixer or the end result of the recipe?
If anything, focusing on our journey and the inspiration behind it is a much more effective way to keep your finances in line with your purpose.
At least that’s what I’m banking on. Because this Mama-to-be just got a new maternity coat.
So Tell Me…Have you ever experienced saver’s remorse? How do you balance your What and your Why?
Once again, you are right on with this post! And did you just coin your own new term? I’ve definitely had saver’s remorse over the years. I’m guessing that the main reason for the growing popularity of Slow FI and mini-retirements is rooted in saver’s remorse or as an attempt to avoid it. I definitely struggle with the balance between spending and saving. Hopefully I’ll figure it out eventually!
OMG Penny. You spoke directly to my soul today. Mrs. Gov and I are at the edge of a big financial decision. And I was trying to talk myself out of it because OMG, our savings rate would go down and I might not max out my retirement accounts and what if, what if, what if. *sigh* I think I need to re-read this post often. Yes. It’s often too easy to let the numbers get in front of “the why”.
I can’t get past the fact that your maternity leave is unpaid. And they’re prorating the rest of your salary?!? Paid leave is so important! I’m so mad on your behalf (and on everyone else in America struggling against terrible leave policies).
I can’t recall any specific instances where we skipped out on something so we could save instead. Though maybe the “don’t spend, keep saving” mindset is so strong that My brain can’t frame it that way. I suppose the one savings “mistake” is that I keep more in cash savings rather than investing. Because it feels safer.
I don’t often think about the “why” to save beyond “just to be safe” and “so we’ll have enough”, but I don’t even really know what’s enough, just keep doing more.
My husband and I have definitely cut corners during our travels, which resulted in wasted time and mis-adventures. In Mexico, we spent too much time haggling with a horse owner for riding time. Then we finally agreed on a price that did NOT include a guide! We got a bit lost and realized that horses can be very unpredictable.
However in general I think i suffer buyer’s remorse more often!
Twinsies! I was freezing my bump off too and PiC gave me such a look when I protested buying a maternity coat. He spent several hours researching and picked a really nice warm one despite my core feelings that it made no sense to buy a whole cost for a temporary period of life. What was my alternative, freezing every time I went outside or not going outside at all for five months? I didn’t have a good counter argument that didn’t sound positively silly.
I sort of learned from that when I didn’t have anything that fit in the third trimester and fourth. I bought two microcapsule wardrobes, three bottoms and three tops, at each point, and lived in them ever since. It wasn’t an easy call but with a nudge from a couple directions, I managed it ?
So it’s possible to learn to do better!
I got so focused on trying to hit a particular savings number that I forgot the purpose of my savings: I want to lessen my stress, not compound it. < – that hit deep. SO relatable.
I really, really wish I had an answer for how I balance my what and my why but the reality is, I…don’t do this really well at all. If I had to guess why, I would say my tendency to go all in on the savings part (resulting in savers remorse) comes from the financial instability of my childhood. Our finances aren’t perfect now (nor will they ever be) and we have work to do to get closer to where we want to be but I find it very easy to lose sight of the fact that we are, in fact, doing well in so many ways. It’s something I’m working on, though — hopefully I’ll figure it out some day.
Good for you. Being pregnant is hard enough on top of dealing with trouble sleeping or too small clothes. You’re making a person, get what you need!
But I completely understand what you mean about savers remorse. We too have opted out on an adventure due to the cost or the fact it wasn’t a deal. After the fact, I was upset because I knew it would have cost less to go there on that trip versus go back one day, which we probably won’t do.
I often keep things in my digital shopping cart for months thinking that it is a luxury and that I do not really need it. Then I realize I am not a shopper. If I went looking for something it was because I needed it for a reason. Like new running shoes. I was suffering and spending more money on braces and trips to the doctor which may have been avoided by just purchasing the new shoes.
There is no special tool to avoid savers remorse. Just try to cut back on things that are not essential. If the idea of having the new thing comes up multiple times and will solve a problem, most likely its worth the expense.
Stay warm in your new coat!
Thank you for introducing this phrase into my life because yeah, this is me all the dang time.
I need to channel this post and also remind myself when traveling, did I really come all this way to *not* pay for ____ when I can comfortably afford it and I will truly enjoy it?
I’ve heard of buyer’s remorse but not saver’s remorse. But I guess there is such a thing as being to frugal and saving too much so that you are not enjoying the fruits of your labor.