Have you ever gone a month without being asked to contribute to a group gift at work? In nine years of teaching, I’m almost positive I haven’t. If it isn’t a bride-to-be and her shower, it’s a new baby on the way, meal train for an ailing coworker, or a bouquet of flowers delivered to a hospital. Or worse, a funeral home. I’ve watched many an invitation flutter its way into the recycle bin inside our mailroom. And I have a simple tactic that saves me much thought and deliberation every time I cross paths with one: give to everyone.
Not begrudgingly, either. Instead, I whip out my checkbook with gusto. After I smile to myself over the fact that I am probably the sole reason the requests even mention the possibility of writing out a check, I seal up my contribution and scrawl a note of thanks on the outside for the organizer. Truth be told, sometimes I even give above the suggested amount.
And here’s the kicker. I start every school year with an optional $50 donation to our school’s fund that is in charge of sending get-well wishes and sympathies. So all those other meals I make or $10 and $20 checks that I stuff into mailboxes are icing on the cake.*
*Note: sometimes the donations are used to purchase actual cake. Which I support wholeheartedly. An ongoing cake fund. Why doesn’t someone look into that?
I realize some of you are shaking your heads. A handful of you may well be on your way to the comments section to tell me how I’m frittering away more money. But don’t you worry. It gets worse.
I give to close friends. I give to people who I’ve collaborated with on various teams and committees. I give to people I barely know. I give to people I don’t always get along with.
A lot of times, I can’t actually attend the showers or retirement parties due to the after-school events I sponsor. So I contribute to a gift, and I’m not even sure the gift-giver even knows I gave. Usually, a group thank-you card with show up in the lounge. Sometimes with a plate of cookies. Once in a blue moon, an individualized thank you note or email will turn up. But most of them time, I suspect that this is one exercise for which I’ll never get any credit.
Why the zest over the thanklessness? Why do I give so recklessly? Because I can. And I should. And–I really can’t stress this part enough–I want to.
And this goes beyond my hope that people would return the favor. It’s true that my coworkers threw a lovely wedding shower for us, and they gifted very generously from our registry. Should I suffer a loss or struggle with my health, I’d want to know they cared — whether in the form of a call, a card, or a lovely, albeit overpriced, bouquet of flowers.
In nearly a decade of work across two different school districts, I’ve watched coworkers struggle with family issues and battle cancer. I’ve watched people come back to work after losing a sister or a mother totally unexpectedly. I’ve watched coworkers heartily agree to foster children only to have their hearts broken. This isn’t just a hypothetical issue of the shoe being on the other foot. I never want to wear any of these shoes. Ever.
Instead, I want to show people that I care. Of course, I can and do use my words and actions. But I’m not opposed to gifts, either. And while I don’t think stuff in-and-of-itself makes anyone happier, I also don’t think I’m making anyone less happy with my contribution to a meal train, an Edible Arrangement, or a baby bathtub. And if I am, well, I guess that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
So Tell Me…What’s your policy on group gifts?
More thoughts on giving:
I’ve contributed to and organized a number of group gifts for friends in my church. We have a large network of friends and probably attend more bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers than the average person (except maybe teachers!). Lately I’ve opted out of group gifts and given a check directly if it’s someone I’m close to. I don’t know why I’ve done this. Maybe because the money seems like the most efficient way for the person to get what they really need. But for someone I’m less connected to I’ll gladly go in on the group gift. It’s especially nice when it buys a large item that one or two people couldn’t afford to gift on their own.
That’s really thoughtful of you! I agree. But I come from a family where cash gifts are the norm at weddings, baptisms, etc. I think the last group gift I went in at work actually bought the teacher a crib! That was really cool (and the perks of working in a big building with lots of generous people!)…and there’s no way I was going to give anything close to that on my own.
That’s neat that your school has a fund set up already for helping people out. And goodness knows teachers need some help, especially in hard times!
I’m admittedly stingy when it comes to group gifts. I actually don’t mind them, but my workplace is horrible about giving us ample notice. It’ll be someone’s baby shower and the day of they ask for cash donations. It really rubs me the wrong way, but I know people appreciate the sentiment. I prefer to give non-monetary gifts because giving money to coworkers makes me feel uncomfortable (I’m not close with my coworkers, either). I like to send food or baked goods instead.
That sounds like a good solution! Definitely do whatever makes you comfortable. We’re lucky to have a gifting committee that collects the money and shops from registries. That makes me feel like I’m getting them something they really want or need! 🙂 When it’s not an occasion with a registry, it’s definitely trickier.
You have such a beautiful heart! Our work group doesn’t do anything. No birthday celebrations, showers, flowers, nothing. It’s every man/woman for him/herself. While people roll their eyes at the endless solicitations in some offices, at least it fosters community and helps you keep up on what’s going on in each others’ lives so you can support everyone.
I will focus more on being generous when asked and even encouraging the asks.
I know there are plenty of people who don’t participate, and that’s totally fine. No judgment — at least not on my part. And the only reason I know they don’t participate is because they’ve said as much to me. Otherwise, who would know besides the organizer? And that varies from event to event!
Plus, our school gets the most adorable baby spirit wear t-shirt for newest members of our school family! How could anyone say no to that! 🙂 Having been on the receiving end only in happy times, the support still meant SO much to me. I can only imagine it would be equally comforting in hard times.
I love everything about this, Penny! I wholeheartedly agree with your approach. The support for one another spreads the kindness – whether it be at work, a social group or family.
Thanks for the kind words, Amanda! I fully intend to keep giving as long as I’m able!
I can’t say I’ve ever been involved with a group gift, but I would never begrudge you for caring and having a heart. I think if we all strived to be a bit more like Penny, the world would be a better place.
Oh, pish posh! Everyone is kind and generous in their own way…many far kinder than I could ever hope to be! Plus, I’m a big supporter of anything that increases my odds of stumbling across leftover cake.
It’s funny seeing that not that many people do the “group gift” thing in the workplace. We certainly do at our school! We have an “open donation” (not required) of $20 at the beginning of the year for our “Sunshine Fund”. We have specific gifting rules that are set up for $ amounts depending on the situation. Smaller groups also tend to give group gifts for close colleagues. My donation to the Sunshine Fund bought a small gift for an admin colleague who had a baby. We also collected at the Admin level to give another gift. I agree with you – a few hundred dollars a year for my colleagues and their happiness (or sometimes sadness) is well worth the money spent. And yea, I agree with TJ – more “Pennies” would make the world a better place.
I am starting to understand that maybe this is why teaching feels like a second home, Vicki! And when I think about how much time I spend with my coworkers…and how much I learn and benefit from them, I’m happy to pay it back and pay it forward.
Penny, you have such a giving heart and I really admire that! When I was in the working world, I gave to many, many group gifts. If it was someone I knew well, I was more than happy to contribute. If it was someone I couldn’t pick out of a lineup, I was a little less happy, but gave nonetheless. I’ll never forget one gentleman I worked with who was being promoted out of my location and was given a group gift. He said “I just hope what’s in this box allows me to break even for all the gifts I’ve contributed toward over the years.” LOL But seriously, giving with a glad heart is a gift in itself.
Oh, Gary! I hope to be cut from the same cloth as you. “Giving with a glad heart is a gift in itself.” I LOVE THIS!
Given some of the truly horrid individuals I’ve worked with in the past, I don’t contribute to all group gifts. I refuse to take even $1 out of a gift to someone who really needs it to give to someone who actively and gleefully tries to sabotage me professionally. But that’s more of a commentary on the terrible people have I known than a gifting policy.
For people and causes I care about, always. If I’m not the one organizing a whiparound, then I’m finding a way to eke it out of the budget. It all goes fast so I do have to be careful about how much and how often I give, I tend to forget how quickly it adds up, but I make it work as well as I can. Half my giving is to documented charities, the other half is usually care packages of some kind.
And though I could ill afford it at the time, I started giving group supplemented birthday gifts when I managed my own group at a company that was notoriously tightfisted and soon enough, the group took it upon themselves to run the whole celebratory gig. It brought a bit of good cheer into an otherwise dreary and stressful (see horrid people, above) place.
Oh yes, I think there’s definitely a line! It sounds like your coworkers didn’t cross it so much as cannonball past it. Gifting should be whatever makes people comfortable and content themselves. So no judgment if anyone passes for any reason. Who am I to guess this situation? I just do what I can probably more selfishly than anything. It makes me feel good!
And you are one of the most charitable people I know. We could all take a page from your playbook!
I haven’t had too many group gift opportunities lately, but I usually kick in a small amount when called upon (It’s mostly church related. If I have the cash on me, I kick in without qualms.)
For teacher appreciation stuff, we usually pick up our own small gift rather than kick in for the group gift, and then get our daughter to make a card. The method for the group gifts (give the money to your 1st grader to give to another first grader, who’ll then give it to their mother) just seems a bit tenuous, especially after one of our donations got misplaced along the way last year.
Oooh, I had never heard of a group collection FOR a teacher by students. Hmm. That seems dicey. My favorite gifts are always notes from students. It’s really funny to read the ones where you can tell they scribed what their parents were saying. Ha!
Yikes! I guess that’s one good thing about working in really small places … it’s a rarity for me. But man I hate those cash collections. Recently we were all expected to pitch in $3 (yes $3!!!) for a group gift. I literally wound up doing a bank transfer online because I NEVER EVER HAVE CASH.
I work as a temp and have for many years now. I don’t give to these strangers. I’ve worked with some individuals for 2+ years and know nothing about them.
I still give to folks I worked with at my favorite nonprofit job. And when the owners of the toy store I worked at for 8 months retired, 5 years after I no longer worked there, I took an 8 hour train ride to show up for them.
For me, it depends on the person. I never feel compelled to gift. I only gift out of desire. (I love giving gifts, but only when I want)