It’s almost turkey time in the States.
While I understand the holiday’s roots are questionable, and holidays in general can be a difficult time for people, I always find myself awash with gratitude this time of year.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I’m grateful for and why I feel that gratitude. And one of the things that I keep coming back to is the idea of learning. Lessons are important. They can also be really painful, especially the kinds of lessons are hard fought and hard won with no kid gloves in sight.
You know what I’m talking about.
The aspects of the life that you just kind of have to live. The experiences that you need to have for yourself rather than simply accepting someone’s word for it.
I don’t want to diminish my hard work or glamorize hardships. But I do think that it’s important to hold onto the money lessons you’ve learned and appreciate them. It’s too easy to forget. It’s too easy to lose sight of the in-between and along-the-way. It’s too easy to expect life to move in a straight line otherwise.
RELATED POST: To Anyone Who is Learning That Progress Isn’t a Line
The processes were painful. It was hard to make sense of them while they were happening. But I do feel a sense of gratitude for having pushed my way through and for being able to mine them for lessons now.
My first awful boss.
I haven’t written about it on the blog before, but I kept a journal at the time. (So what I’m saying is that I actually own a future best-selling novel.) I sold makeup at the mall, and it felt like a dream. I was good at it (I hit my sales goal every single day), I had fun with it, and the pay was bananas (a few bucks above minimum wage plus commission on every sale). But my boss was wretched. She taught me the importance of standing my ground and helped me realize that even your dream job isn’t going to be perfect. Oh, and I learned how to write a really kick-ass resignation letter to HR when I gave my two weeks notice.
My unpaid maternity leave.
While I have yet to write the full post (I keep telling myself I won’t publish it until I can edit calmly), just sorting out my maternity leave was hard and the pay cut was painful. But I wouldn’t trade a second of it. Not only did it give me invaluable time with my baby, but it really pushed me to help other people in my real life with money. I hadn’t ever really figured out how to make that happen in real life prior to my leave, and now I share all of my numbers (and email rigamarole) with moms-to-be to help them make sense of their options.
The tens of thousands of dollars that I wasted on stuff.
It’s hard for me to confront my clutter. For years, I struggled with weighing sunk cost versus reselling versus time. Only now do I feel like I am really starting to get the hang of what to part with and how to do in a way that feels efficient and satisfying. I still have things that I need to get rid of. But it’s helping me learn to share the abundance in my life. Plus, this entire process is helping me love my home more than HGTV ever did.
The advice I ignored.
It’s true. At the risk of getting that song stuck in your head, I really do feel a sense of gratitude for the good advice that I continue to reject.
via GIPHY (English teacher PSA: This isn’t actually ironic.)
I’ve done so many things that go against conventional personal finance wisdom. Expensive wedding? Check. First birthday party for a baby that resulted in a bounce house rental? Check. Talking about the emotions of money? Check. Insisting that I can make my passion my job now and still chase FI? Check, check, check. It’s hard to make different choices. It’s why we follow the Joneses in the first place. I used to be really quiet about these things, but now I’m realizing that sharing what makes finance personal for me is…kind of the point.
RELATED POST: 3 Reasons I Should Turn in My PF Card
Final Thoughts on Gratitude & Money Lessons
A big reason why I’m able to reflect on these money struggles is because of the personal finance community. There is so much collective wisdom online. More than that, there are incredibly amazing people. Readers and bloggers who comment on this site, interact with me on social media, and share their own ideas in other ways are truly fundamental parts of any success that I have. I am beyond grateful for this online community. So let’s bring it in for a group hug.
OK, now out of my way. There’s green bean casserole and some green Jello with my name on it.
So Tell Me…Do you have any money lessons that you’re grateful you learned (even if it was the hard way)?
I cannot agree more with your final thoughts. I’m tearing up as I type this and think of our amazing friend group who push me to be a better human every day, and are so supportive when I’m feeling down about certain aspects of my life.
And I felt it so deeply when you said it is hard to make sense of things while they are happening, but to be able to look back and see the progress I have made even through the tough times; it’s incredible! The market is basically 0% or negative this year, and I’m still up ~$50k because saving is automatic, I spend less than I earn, and I keep striving to improve. For the most part, those things were years in the making, and are bearing fruit now.
Definitely the clutter one! I’m still working on mustering the effort to sell the few remaining name brand pieces I have that just don’t fit me anymore. And dealing with the fact that I’ll almost certainly lose money on them. But, if minimalism has taught me anything it’s that the mental space that is created when you deal with the physical clutter is an awesome reward. (Barf I know, I hate my cliche self).
I love the framing of being thankful for a bad boss. People seem so surprised when I say it – but I think I’ve learned more from bad bosses than good.
I had an awful principal in my first years as a teacher. It wasn’t that he was a tyrant – quite the opposite. His decision flipped based on who was in the room or made the last case. Talk about chaos. It was frustrating because we really needed to get better for our students. Without stable direction, things just kept getting worse. It was miserable for me, though some were happy to just do whatever they wanted.
He taught me the importance of having strong core beliefs to guide me and to avoid just telling people want they want to hear. Both are really helpful in financial independence.
I have so many money lessons that I learned the hard way!
After a couple of bad bosses, I have learned to appreciate the good (and even mediocre) ones. After keeping $10,000 in a boring old bank account for years, I have learned how to make my money work for me (at least somewhat better). After spending nearly $200 on a fancy new pillow, I have learned that I should have just replaced the $45 one that I had and loved. And these are just off the top of my head 🙂